This is a minor moment amongst a film of unexplained science. In the subway tunnels, our heroes are attacked by off-shoots of the giant, unnamed monster. They escape, but one lady is clawed. They are taken by military personnel and the lady is taken behind a curtain. Once there, she convulses and explodes. Huh?!? This is not explained and, more importantly, never shown. You have an inexplicable explosion and don’t show it? Bastards! Watch this video on YouTube

Usually science has to have some ‘science’ to it. In this comedy/science-fiction film, a group of young people grow huge after ingesting a substance made by a nerdy kid. That substance was….uh, something. There is no explanation at any point as to what this stuff is. It was also made by accident, making all those real scientists look stupid. So, if a kid decides to just mix chemicals, he may uncover the cure for cancer. That or accidentally blow up his lab and lose his hair after Superboy tries to save him. Wait, maybe not.

Who thought that this was a good experiment? Scientists at a research lab have artificially increased the size of shark’s brains. Why? To study larger specimens for research into brain diseases, obviously. Of course, this suddenly makes the sharks smarter and able to learn in a matter of months. Having a giant brain immediately overwrites your genetic limitations. Very clever stuff. Not.

It’s amazing the stuff that you could get away with in the 1970s. A hole in the ozone layer is causing all of the Earth’s animals to start acting crazy. It first strikes the area around a mountain- due to altitude- where a group of hikers is out. It affects a broad range of them, from rats to bears to snakes. You want more explanation for dramatic shifts in animal, and later human, behavior? What are you, some sort of scientist?

The Japanese are not advanced when it comes to medicine, I guess. In this odd film, the Frankenstein monster is being studied in Japan. His heart is given as a transplant to a young man, who undergoes transformations. His brow changes, his hair is altered and, oh yeah, he grows to be dozens of feet tall. I don’t recall him being big enough to fight a monster. Do you? There is some hubbub about radiation as well, but I don’t buy it. Now a giant turtle with flame jets in its shell- that just makes sense.

What a strange monster with an even stranger back-story. A giant buzzard is flying around the skies attacking every plane it sees. Wait, I didn’t get to the weird part. It is explained later that it has not been shot out of the sky yet because it is coated in anti-matter radiation. I guess this makes normal matter deflect away from it. Damn! Why didn’t I pay attention in that Astro-Physics class?!? This comes up so much in my daily life and it will be my eternal shame!

So, what you’re saying is that all gay people are giants? In this bizarre film, a scientist attempts to slow down rabbit population growth by disrupting their breeding cycle. Translation: he makes them gay. A test subject begins to get larger- or is larger to begin with, it’s unclear- and the daughter takes it as a pet. She switches it with another one, letting the ‘tainted’ one loose. They are being killed by a pack of giant gay rabbits- awesome! The fact that it has DeForest Kelley with a ‘70s porn-star mustache’ is just icing on the cake.

Crabs can be people too! The giant monsters on the atoll begin to kill the military staff one-by-one. They learn a major secret about the creatures though: they absorb the properties of those they eat. This allows them to gain the people’s memories and even talk in their voice to lure people into a trap. Huh? Who the hell would think up something like…it’s Roger Corman, huh? That makes sense then. The man that brought us “Super Gator” and “Dinocroc” clearly has no qualms about making up crap like that.

Thank you, Bert I. Gordon. After escaping an island full of giant ants, the heroes make it to a nearby town. They soon discover that the people are being controlled by a greater force. That force- a giant, queen ant! It uses pheromones to mind control people…like ants apparently do. Ants use pheromones, yes. But they do it to communicate, not subjugate minds. I cannot stay mad though, since seeing Joan Collins sprayed by giant ant gas amuses me.

There is a reason why this movie bombed. Years after the last three films, the Brody family lives on the island without their patriarch, who died of a heart attack. After one son is killed, the wife flies off to the Caribbean. The shark, who she claims has a vendetta against them, travels all the way to follow them. Why? Because the beast has a psychic connection to Ms. Brody, that’s why. When the least horrible part has a great white shark in fresh water, you have a problem.

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