10Droopers by Forum Novelties$24.73, free shipping
This cute little number is highly reminiscent of a certain national restaurant chain that features attractive, scantily-clad servers. An inexpensive option that is guaranteed to make an impression on all but the totally blind, Droopers is perfect if you are a burly guy who has absolutely no shame. We’re betting that a couple of you have no need for the rest of the list, and have your mouse pointer hovering over the link to this product right now. Sure, it’s perfect for the rowdy party you’ve been invited to, but please- wear something different when answering the door for the trick-or-treaters earlier in the evening.
9Pimpin’ Da Ho’s by California Costumes$34.15, free shipping
Well, this certainly leaves no room for interpretation. A guy could make a big splash in this outfit, assuming one could find a few very good-humored lady friends to complete the ensemble… or male friends, for that matter (see previous entry). This subtly-named costume comes with everything else you might need, including the hat, “bling necklace”, cane, and even a wad of fake money. Just don’t wear it for too long- you may experience a severe ego letdown the next morning.
8Well Hung Highlander by Smiffy’s$37.45 to $54.94
If you’re the kind of guy who’s not afraid to wear a kilt, then you’re probably also the kind of guy who’s not afraid to wear a gigantic fake member underneath said kilt. If it’s pure shock value you’re after, it’s tough to beat the Well Hung Highlander. The kit comes complete with the hat and beard, kilt, sash and “endowment”, which in this case absolutely does not refer to a grant for the arts. We are sure that this costume will not get you into any kind of trouble, and will be taken solely as a reflection of your love for Scottish culture.
7Breathalyzer by Rasta Imposta$22.88, free shipping
Nobody likes the idea of being confronted with a breathalyzer test on Halloween. Unless, of course, the breathalyzer is sentient and the life of the party! We’re sure it happens all the time. This is another cheap, simple option that is sure to get you a lot of laughs (and nothing else). Sadly, if you are looking for the experience of actually being a breathalyzer test, this option will disappoint you, as fellow partygoers are likely to find you more and more hilarious the more inebriated they become.
Finally, someone has found a way to incorporate a cute stuffed animal into a Halloween costume in a ridiculously offensive manner! If you’re looking for equal parts hearty guffaws and hard eye-rolls, this is the costume for you. This comes with all of the accessories pictured, but we recommend also keeping a small bag of acorns on hand. You know, in case anyone answers “yes” to the question posed by the sign.
5Pregnant School Girl by Rasta Imposta$22.13, free shipping
Sexy schoolgirl outfits have long been a part of Halloween tradition. This is not one of those. This is as far from one of those as you are ever likely to get. This surprisingly inexpensive ensemble works best, once again, if you are a large man with a lot of body hair (in our humble opinion). We also suggest, if you happen to be looking for yourself and a male friend, pairing it with “Pimpin’ Da Ho’s” above for maximum effect.
4Inflatable Doll by Forum Novelties$16.54 to $29.29
Now, if you happen to be looking for yourself and a FEMALE friend, we have a couple of options for you- starting with Mr. and Mrs. Inflatable Doll, which is a versatile one. Look at them; they can easily be played for either lighthearted humor or abject horror. Of course, if you really want to go all the way with this gag, just show up to the party in a different costume with an actual blow up doll. Once it has been stuck in a back room and forgotten about, simply change costumes and run screaming through the party for a night nobody will forget anytime soon.
3The Shocker by Rasta Imposta$28.88
Okay, this is… wildly inappropriate. If you’re not sure what that hand gesture means, or why it is called “The Shocker”, we’re sorry, but you’ll have to find someone else to explain it to you. Note: we mean exactly that- make someone explain it to you. For the love of God, do not Google it. This costume is sure to… well, shock your fellow revelers. Just be ready for lots of confused looks from people, followed by wide eyes and dropped jaws from those same people as their friends whisper the explanation into their ears.
2Dr. Willy Phister M.D. Gynecologist by Rasta Imposta, $6.44
Ah, clever wordplay. You won’t find it here. But this costume is an excellent slow burn, looking like just an average doctor getup- until, of course, one gets close enough to read the name on the overcoat. This one’s perfect for those who like to keep it low-key, yet also have an unabashed love for juvenile humor. It’s also easily the most inexpsensive and simple item on this list, and like the previous entry has the added benefit of the shocked looks from those who need the joke explained to them.
1Funny Betty and Barry Bondage by the Halloween Guys, $42.99 and $29.40
Finally, we promised you another option for couples, and here it is: the option for those who absolutely, positively do not care who they offend in the name of getting a laugh. Sure, it’s funny, but that doesn’t mean your fellow revelers won’t have an extremely difficult time looking directly at you for the entire evening. Whatever option you choose, you’re sure to have half the party edging away in disgust and the other half offering to buy you a beer through tears of laughter. Just make sure to be safe, have fun and above all, get lots of pictures- your grandkids will want to see this someday!
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